... so far.
One year ago today my life changed in a way that I never saw coming, and never thought could happen. On February 17th 2009, my dear husband Klaus woke up freezing cold and convulsing. The emergency crew arrived within minutes and took him to the hospital. I arrived a few minutes later to the news that my husband was going to die.
But Klaus was a tiger, and through the next 12 days he surprised everyone at the hospital - and around the world - with his determination, strength, and the overwhelming amount of love that poured his way. Although he could not communicate at all during that time, I know that he knew that I was there, that people (and dogs and cats) all over the world were pulling for him, and that his loyal dog Bogart would manage to charm his way into the ICU. The only real reactions he had were early on when I asked him for a kiss (I swear that his lips moved around his ventilator tube) and when Bogart visited and would kiss his hand. Not much - but priceless.
Anniversaries, special dates, holidays have hit me hard this past year. Understandable. But today has really torn me apart, remembering the day that this all started. They are memories that I treasure because they are of Klaus, yet they are absolutely horrible because of the outcome. Lots more crying than usual. The first day I really broke down at work and had to leave.
Anyone who says this gets easier as time goes by is full of shit (uh, I mean poop). At the beginning my brain was kind and anaesthesized me - everything hurt, but the pain was dull. Now some days it feels like getting a full-on root canal with no novocaine.
I WANT MY ANAESTHESIA BACK, PLEASE
I truly don't know what I would do without Bogart and the kitties. They are truly the best medicine. This has been a year full of challenges, hardships, and all-out pain, but between the social interaction that Bogart forces me to have and the at-home forced cuddling that the kitties do (there is always someone on my lap or calculating a way into my lap) they keep me alive. Whether I like it or not.
Did I mention that I'd like my anaesthetic back?