Wednesday, May 06, 2009

How Are You Doing?

Some days it's sadness. Some days it's loneliness. Some days it's just fog. Things don't get better, they don't get easier, they just get "different". It has been a little more than two months now since Klaus passed away. I haven't really been able to talk about it much. Whenever I think too hard the numbness returns - kindly obstructing the worst of the pain or at least pushing it into a different part of my brain allowing me to "function" - which is oddly comforting and a strange sort of awesome.

I had my first "feature length" dream about Klaus last night. He has only popped up once before and only in a cameo role. I only sleep for a few hours at a time before I wake up, turn around, move the dog or a cat (a little), and hopefully go back to sleep. It was nice. Very nice (but apparently there isn't enough beer in dreamland according to Klaus).

Many days I would prefer to just pull up the covers and allow the day to pass, untouched. Many, many, many days. Especially on the dark, rainy ones when the water beats like a drum on the window just behind my head. Thump, thump, thump. But it is not to be. No rest for the weary when there is a young, energetic Airedale around. He sees to it that my daily exercise needs are met (several hours, minimum), that I have some human interaction (other people stopping to say how cute he is), and that I don't feel completely alone and unloved (constant face licking and following).

Walking by the river is always good - it's close to home, and the walk can be tailored into a longer one or a shorter one depending on weather conditions or mental conditions. And tonight there were many sunbreaks in between the clouds...

Sunny? Why yes, it's SUNNY. It was overcast just a minute ago...

I thought for sure Bogart was going to get his head caught in that fencing. While it would have indeed been amusing, I'm pretty darned happy that didn't happen. I did wonder what Bogart found so fascinating at the bottom, though.

But no time for wondering (or thinking, or crying)... Bogart is ready to move on to the next thing...

Other dogs. Of course. How could I not know that?

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha...

Love,

Lulu & Bogart

25 comments:

Cassie said...

Dear One, Thank goodness for your fuzzy boy who loves and needs you.Glad Bogart is making sure you get some sun and walksies!

It's nice that you could see your Klaus in your dreams. I believe dreams help to keep our loved ones alive for us. I hope you start getting better sleep, and your REM sleep will then increase.

the TN Bull Terrors said...

We have heard DawgMom say it's not better, just different MANY times since her Mom, our DawgNanny left us 5 years ago. She still misses her & says it was us that kept her goin on with day to day stuff too. Thank goodness for Bogart, he's doin his job. We're thinkin of you & DawgMom says she'll light a candle & send a bunch of good thoughts your way. Bullie kisses to you Auntie Lulu

Feather, Darla, Pappy & LizzaBella

Charlie said...

Sunbreaks are awesome. Hope you're getting some emotional ones as well. Glad to hear that Bogart's taking good care of you!
- Anne

Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

Hey Lulu,

You always manage to hit me right in the heart :( As always, we are all here for you - and send you all the love we have.

Big hugs to Bogie for looking after his mama !

A good friend said to me once (Meeshka's mum) - you learn to live with a new normal.

Or words to that effect....it's true.

Lots of love,

Brooke, Greg, Charlie & Opy

Rocky Creek Scotties and Java said...

You are so fortunate to have Bogart through all of this - these doggies make us get up and move when we'd otherwise put our heads under the cover and never come out.

Hugs,
Lynn

Mango said...

Bogart,
Thanks for the birthday wishes. You are my number one bloggy hero. I liked that your momma shared her feelings and that you are doing your job by forcing her to take nice walkies.

Careful where you stick that big old head of yours.

Slobbers,
Mango

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

My mom is nodding her human head in agreement...somedays she just has to shut her brain off...but then the more she tries, the more it revs itself...

Tank woo fur sharing ALL of this!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

William Tell said...

We're glad you have your furry angel to keep your days active. Like Mango says, Bogart is your hero these days.

Happy Tails,
William Tell

Deetz said...

"Healer of the hearts", my furry lil friend...
Bogart, your heart is as pure and strong as lil Gizmo's was.
Life somehow keeps us moving for a reason. My heart still aches for your pain.
Deetzy and family

Dawn said...

Bogart, you are a good dog-man to keep your Mom moving. But I know it's not a tough job for you as you love her so much. She is right, it will never be OK, it will always be different. After a really long time she will be able to live with different. Here's hoping Klaus visits often. Hugs.

Hollie and Janie said...

Miss Lulu,
You are in mine and mama's thoughts and prayers each day. You are so brave for sharing your thoughts with all of us. I am so happy Bogart is taking such good care of you! His fuzzy, wuzzy face always makes me smile!!
Love,
janie

Moco said...

If not for our dogs it is a wonder where we would all be at.

Joe Stains said...

Thank Dog for Dogs right? We are proud of Bogart and of you for keeping your chins up. We hope Klaus visits you in your dreams again very soon.

Lorenza said...

Hi, Lulu!
Sure is nice to see Klaus in your dreams.
Bogart sure is doing a very good job taking care of you!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Inky and Molly said...

You are not alone!!! Please don't think or feel that, ever. We send you lots of LURVE from the other side of the pond. Please get up everyday and send us a message!!!

The Airechicks said...

Bogart -

The hurt will NEVER NEVER be gone...you and Mom will just learn to absorb it and deal with it in a different way...

It will ALWAYS hurt - that's why love is soooo important - it costs soooo much but gives back even more....

We are so happy that your Papa visits - he's always with you so talk to him - you'll be able to feel him with you.

We LUV you guys so very much..

XXoooXXooooXXXoo

Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Oh Lula we feel your pain. Bogart is there for you. Now is the time to lean on him and all your blogger friends to get you through...
Big HUGS.........Callie, Louie and Gus's Mom...

Joey said...

We think you are doing great. We're glad Bogart didn't get his head stuck.

See ya!
Joey and Zeke

GoldenSamantha said...

Oh, so sorry for the sorrow that lingers on - thank dog for Bogart, who sees to it that you get daily outings and love,love,love and needs you so badly as his mom. We are thinking of you xo
Hugs and Love,
Sammie

"ME N MY MILLION DOLLAR" said...

l know how it is like, but pls take good care of yrself, l m glad Bogart had been great.

Lynne said...

Klaus will be with you forever.

OhMy said...

Good to see Bogie is still "Bwa ha haing"! Looks like things are moving forward, and that is good. Painful at times but good.

Also good to see Bogie is still sending PeeMail.....We so wish we could get one of his PeeMails:)

Cisco Kid Airehead Terror Ext. & Humans

Ms. ~K said...

I think of you often...
Kit

Martha Basset said...

It is so very hard. Having to look after Bogart and the cats is good! We are glad Bogart is getting you out - even when you would rather stick your head under the covers!
Small steps every day .......
xxx

Jeannie said...

Thinking of you. Both of you.

"Until the 12rh of Never"

Jeannie and Marvin and family.

i have no other words just admiration for your courage and resiliance.

which seems a futile thing to be saying but is meant from the heart, from my heart. From our hearts to you. and Bogart and the cats.

Jeannie xxxxxx Who is kinda lost for words for a change. ;0(